I met my community. They were/are bright souls-excited, curious and friendly.

As I talked to more and more new faces I realized that I was surrounded by very experienced and well-trained yogis. Fear jumped out of the bag. "You haven't done enough workshops." So I countered, "That wasn't a prerequisite. I'll be accepted as I am. I came to expand me, not to be someone else." Ah, a second expansion.

The next morning brought the first asana practice and the chance to see just how challenging the week would be. The 'we'll start easy' comment was followed by a vigorous practice. After an hour I wondered how I would possibly do three hours at 10,000 feet for 6 days. I kept going. Don't think about the time. Align. Digest (the information and breakfast!). Allow. Play. Savasana came. I'd made another expansion.

After lunch was a mile long hike. Something said "Go, don't play it so safe. You can do this!" John led the hike up the first steep hill. Near the top he asked, "Are we all here?" Someone answered "Yes, except I think my breath is still about half way back down." My thoughts exactly, but I kept going. I kept going again in the afternoon philosophy session. My brain expanded its speed.

Day two dawned to sore muscles and determination. I tried new variations, I celebrated others' victories and I sweat (probably another new boundary). Then came the backbend from standing. My back expressed great fear. You haven't tried this in 25 years. We are not doing another back surgery! Yet the expanding me knew I was ready. Geri, who was assisting, coached me on alignment as she helped me to find the floor. I felt a familiar wave of exhaustion as the fear burned out of my skin. A barrier whisked away. I went on the second hike that day. I even went up on some rocks to see the view. I was surprised at my stamina. Who was this anyway?

Wednesday brought the trip to Zion National Park and a choice of hikes, the easier water hike or the 1,500 foot hike/climb to Angel's Landing. My roommate asked me which I would do. I said I didn't think I could do the difficult hike because of my fear of heights and my level of stamina. She had seen me on the other hikes and she said she knew I could do it. Vimarsha-others recognizing and reflecting what one is radiating, was a concept from the philosophy teachings. Here it was being shown to me.

The climb was fairly easy for 2 miles. It was paved and we stopped to catch our breath a few times, but it was certainly doable. I just stayed away from the cliff side. The last half mile is what makes it a challenging hike. You hold on to chains and find hand/ foot holds often with 1000 foot drop off. I soon had to focus on what was right in front of me thinking, "I don't know what's next, but I know I can handle it. I can take the next step."

More Vimarsha as my community saw the part of me that could do it and they voiced their vision. Fear and pointed effort were beginning to tire me out. I rested and right in front of me was a tiny white feather, always a sign I am on the right path in my life.

I joined the gazelles of the group who had climbed quickly. Some were doing amazing hand stands near the breathtaking edge. I did Trikonasana a bit further from the edge. Boundaries were popping left and right. How I was going to get back down, was stewing in the back of my mind, but I would do it. And I would do it with Grace.

It turned out to be fairly easy compared to coming up even though, since I was facing away from the mountain, I could see the valley and the very tiny bus we had arrived on. I was no longer the teenager who froze trying to walk down the Washington Monument because the steps did not have backs on them. This was a powerful woman stepping into life!

Thursday and Friday included some afternoon rest time as I listened to my body.

There was even more Vimarsha as people responded to my photo album of the mandala art I create. I offered the visual images of me and how I experience the world. Gratitude coursed through me those days. Then on Saturday we transitioned back to a spread-across-continents community once more. We began heading to our given points on the map with deeper connections and softer hearts.

Sometimes the most profound phrases come forth without self effort. I shared what came to me with the beautiful circle of women created on our ride back to the airport: Brace yourself or grace yourself. It hit the mark with many of us. There it was, an offering of profound understanding. You can wait for what will come at you (on and off the mat) with tension, or you can step forward open to grace finding your expression.

My final parting from the group was lunch at the Las Vegas Airport with Debbie and Lauren. It turned into a very heart opening experience of sharing the challenges and triumphs in my life. They were good heart listeners and I shared about the joy and pain of unconventional motherhood across a continent and inspiring high school students. My story seemed to touch their lives and created heart ties. "Why didn't you share this with the group?" I was asked. "I used to," I told them.

I used to tell everyone and anyone when the pain dominated my life. Now I tell a few people when it feels right. The retreat space felt like my place of celebration of my strength, my wisdom, my determination and my ability to play. Sometimes the tough stuff was there with me, and I'm sure it was visible to some people, but it didn't get center stage the way it used to.

There is more, so much more in radiance and grace."

Cathy Dyer